Lost and Found
by nitareality
Summary: Frustrated student Bella has a big problem.She lost BOB and he's being held in the lost and found,in RA Edward's room.Can Alice and Rose help Bella recover her BOB without sacrificing her dignity? M for Comic Smut. Totally OOC. Re-worked 12/26/10


**Lost and Found**

**.**

**A/N: **This is the second posting of this little o/s. I do hope you enjoy this little piece of fluffy madness. Obviously, I have kind of a _thing_ about dildos. I wrote this way back, and never gave it to my betas or pre-readers, so don't blame them. It is now at least 75% more readable, but I own any errors you may find. I would like to thank the lovelies who read the original and didn't flame me, even found nice things to say. Some of you alerted for subsequent chapters, and there are unlikely to be. Far more likely, something like "The Peen Chronicles", in which all of my unrelated dildo masterpieces are collected in one place. We'll see.

**.**

**Tuesday, 8:15am**

Bella woke earlier than necessary on Tuesday. Her roommate Alice had an 7:30am class, and her other roomie, Rose, had spent the night at her new boyfriend's apartment. She wasn't getting up though, no. She didn't have a class, or anywhere to be. She did, however, have an appointment with an old friend.

Bella dug between her mattresses, searching for BOB the bunny, and striking gold within seconds. She pulled him up under the covers, placing him beside her thigh as she went through her paces, letting him get warmed up while she did the same. Her brain summoned her favorite BOB time image from her extensive collection. John Mayer, stoner genius extraordinaire, was exploring her wonderland, his husky voice extolling the virtues of her kitty.

She tugged on her nipples, sliding one hand between her legs to test the waters. Finding the waters were quite wet and warm, she grabbed Bob and slid it m into her, slowly driving him all the way in. This was one of her favorite moments, second only to when BOB had completed it's mission, with BOB all the way inside her, she switched it on, knowing the jolt it would send through her. She braced herself, and then? Nothing.

"Fuck!"

She jumped up and headed to her dresser, rummaging through the top drawer for batteries. At this time, Rosalie walked through the door, heels clicking, keys jangling and clanging as she threw them on her desk. Bella launched herself at her bed, managing to cover herself, and BOB, under her comforter.

Completely frustrated, Bella figured she may as well head to the gym and take out her frustration on the equipment there. With a grumbled "Fuck my life." she gathered up her toiletry basket, threw on her robe and shower shoes, and left to start her day.

**Wednesday, 5:30pm**

Bella got into the full elevator, unwilling to wait for the next one. She was crowding the other people, but she knew they'd thin out quickly and frankly, she didn't give a damn. As the elevator jerked and stopped at each floor, the passengers of the elevator spread out a little, widening the personal space bubble each person had.

Except for the guy next to her.

The guy next to her smelled like pot,beer, gum and god knows what else. His hair looked like he'd had sex three days ago, wiped his hair with a baby wipe, then slept for 48 hours...and still hadn't showered. They got off on the same floor, him leaving the elevator first.

He headed the same way she was headed, and to her surprise, he turned and let himself into the RA's room. Her eyes bulged as he shut the door, amazed that this man was responsible for this floor. Looking at the closed door, she read the dry erase board that hung on it. In giant scrawled letters he'd written "GROW UP!". Bella chuckled to herself, then jumped as music suddenly blared from his room. Startled and perplexed, she scurried down the hall to her room.

Arriving at her door she read her own message board, on the dry erase portion it said " happy hours, The Frisky Mullet, just come out B?"

Shaking her head, she checked the cork board portion, skimming past the cute pics of the three of them...no messages there. As Bella let herself into the room she delighted in the fact that Rose and Alice would both be out at happy hour. She hooked up her iPod and cranked the music. BOB was batteried up and she was feeling frisky, still.

She shook her hips all the way to her bed, slowly peeling off her pants. Really getting into it now, her hips undulated as she pulled off her shirt and unhooked her bra, letting it slide off her arms and onto the floor. Grabbing BOB from his home under the mattress, she knelt on the bed, conjuring a faceless man that she imagined she was straddling.

Drawing her fingers down her abdomen and into her pussy, she felt how wet she was and couldn't wait. She slid BOB in, a long exhaled "fuck" floating from her lips. Having been frustrated for some time, Bella wanted to draw this out, so she pushed and pulled on BOB slowly, controlling the urge to just pump him as fast as she could.

After a minute, Bella shifted to lay on her back. She imagined the faceless man hovering above her, thrusting his hips into her. She was starting to lose control, and she swore she could hear bells ringing, when she heard LOUD banging on her door.

This was obviously not an impending orgasm.

Sighing in exasperation, she stuffed BOB back under the mattress and grabbed a tshirt and her underwear, hopping into them as she scurried to the still thumping door. Lo and behold, standing before her, was Rasta RA. As if she were not already visibly flustered, she felt herself blushing, her cheeks burning. Behind him, students were heading down the stairs at the end of the hallway, and she could clearly hear the fire alarm going off. Rasta narrowed his eyes at her, tilting his head like a crabby, wasted, yet curious puppy.

He grabbed her, pulling her not so gently down the empty hallway, grumbling under his breath. She could hear words though, "fucking fire", "half naked dimwit", "not going to burn" and "fuck the tuition break".

Arriving at the fireproof stairwell door, he whipped her to face him. "Do you think you would be capable of getting down the stairs?" She nodded, still trying to process the last 3 minutes of her life, and watched him head back to check the rest of the floor.

Standing outside on the lawn in front of the dorm, Bella tried to remain inconspicuous. She was chilled, and her nipples were in an embarrassing state. The underwear she was wearing didn't help her feel less exposed, so she scooted closer to the scraggly hedges that surrounded the building, and turned her ass to them.

After a few minutes, Rasta walked up to her, having thrown her a blanket. "You know we have a fitness center on the first floor, if you want to work out. The rooms are kind of small for that."

Bella blinked, speechless. Beyond not knowing what to say, she was noticing for the first time that behind the stoned redness his eyes were very pretty. "I thought you'd be cold, you can just give it back later," shifting his eyes to the blanket.

She nodded. "Thanks, um, yeah thanks, later."

He walked away, headed towards what appeared to be the RA meeting spot. A few minutes later, a flustered looking man approached the dorm leaders, conferring with them in a huddle. A perky girl from the group turned around to address the crowd. "False alarm everyone, you can head back in. Please walk safely and quietly!"

A groan came forth from the students like a wave, then they started walking. Any hopes Bella had of alone time were dashed, as she saw Alice and Rose trotting up to her. "Oh! We missed the excitement?"

She rolled her eyes at Alice, smelling the blanket that was wrapped around her, noticing the musky boy smell that mingled with the lingering pot smell. "Didn't we all."

That night Bella decided that if alone time in her room wasn't possible, she'd find it somewhere else. She set her alarm for 5am, knowing that even on school days, the shower room was empty at that time. She settled down into a somewhat fitful sleep, awakening several times.

She dreamed of fire alarms, and standing on the front lawn completely naked. She dreamed of BOB being held in a shoe box sized cage, Rose and Alice's eyes glinting as they dangled the key at her. She dreamed of giving a lap dance in a dark smoky room, peeling off her panties oh so slowly, for a no longer faceless man with beautiful, green eyes. She jumped out of bed when her alarm went off, stealthily sneaking out so as not to wake her BOBblocking room mates.

**Thursday, 5am**

Entering the shower room in her fuzzy purple bathrobe (BOB conspicuously hidden behind the folds of fabric) and shower flip flops, and carrying her basket of shower goodies, she looked around carefully to ensure she was alone. There wasn't a soul in sight. Delighted that her plan was working, and completely alone in the room, she headed to the very last shower stall.

She cranked the water to hot, then hung up her robe and towel. She grabbed her basket, with BOB now sticking out proudly from within, towering over her hair products and lotions. Bella walked into the water stream face first, feeling the hot water, and instantly relaxing from it. She took her time washing her hair and face, rinsing off. She worked her conditioner into her hair, then soaped up her body.

Bella took advantage of the way her hands slid across her skin, massaging her breasts, rolling her nipples in her fingers. Her eyes closed, she slid her hand down, finding herself slick and wet. She stroked her clit, bringing her leg up and resting it on the bench inside the stall.

Finally Bella reached for BOB, rubbing it up and down from her clit to her entrance, feeling him heat up under the water. Slipping BOB into herself, she was so tightly wound, that she didn't need BOB's louder functions. Overcome with the sensation of being filled, and the water running over her in streams, she sat on the bench, bracing her feet against the stall sides.

Having learned a lesson, Bella started pumping deep, hard and fast. Immediately. She had angled her body so the shower would hit her from her abdomen to her legs, heightening the sensations she felt everywhere. Again, she pictured the jade eyes of the man pounding her between her legs. As her excitement started to spiral, she was panting out "fuck" with BOB's every pump.

This, of course, is when she heard the shower room door slam, a nasally voice yelling out "Who-ever's in here, I need to clean the room, finish up quickly please!" Bella growled, throwing BOB to the shower floor. Stomping her feet and huffing, she quickly rinsed her hair, packed up her toiletries, and dried off. She wrapped her towel around her head and threw on her robe, walking out grumbling and giving the cleaning lady a look that made her back away.

Bella stalked down the hallway and whipped her dorm room door open, not caring if she woke up the whole floor. This was ridiculous! She had stress! Classes! She just needed to get off, what the fuck was the problem! Bella, crabby and not knowing what else to do, lay on her bed, robe and towel still on, and eventually fell asleep.

When she woke up, she decided to change her focus. What she needed was a distraction. She pulled out her laptop and started researching for her abnormal psychology class paper. Nothing could be further from arousing than hours of reading on the ins and outs of laxative abuse, self-induced vomiting and binging. She had weeks to put this together, but her thoughts on "Bulimia in College Freshmen" would stand out to her professor, if she had her way.

An hour later, after absorbing dozens of stories of late night binges on donuts and hot dogs and ice cream, Bella needed a snack. She decided to run to the cafeteria, and bring some lunch up to her room. As she grabbed her purse, she noticed the blanket that the RA had given to her. She scooped it up, embarrassed that she'd forgotten to give it back.

Approaching his room, she noticed the music blaring again, wondering how he'd heard the fire alarm, then thinking he probably hadn't been as distracted as her. Before she knocked on his door, she took notice of his dry erase board. "You've got to be fucking kidding me with this." Curious. She had no idea what it could refer to.

She knocked, rapping sharply in hopes of being heard over the music. He opened the door halfway, his torso leaning out into the hallway as he looked at her and cocked an eyebrow. Bella dropped her eyes from the contact, then tried frantically to find somewhere to land her eyes. Everywhere she looked flustered her more, as she took in first his bare chest, then his mop of fuck hair, then his scruffy jaw, then his jeans hanging so that they perfectly framed his lower abdomen and the trail of...

He waved his hand in front of her face. "Hellooo?"

Fuck! She shoved the blanket at him. "I forgot. To give this back. Thank you, I really needed to cover up. I mean it was cold. Obviously."

He had a smile creeping up one side of his face. She attempted a smile. "Looks like you're in a better mood than when you made your sign." She nodded, proud of her ability to speak to him.

He laughed. "Yeah, it was just a crazy morning trying to figure out how to handle something." She smiled. "Well, I'm glad you got it all worked out!" Her anxiety was ramping up, as his presence chased away all traces of binging and purging. "Okay then, I'm going to go get lunch now."

As she walked away she heard him. "Hey, what's your name?" She turned, walking backwards at great peril. "Bella, yours?"

His smile widened. "Edward. See you around."

The cafeteria was busy, long lines everywhere. Walking out with her chicken wrap and jumbo diet coke, she ran into her friend Sarah, and wound up chatting for a while. Hesitantly bringing herself back to her floor, she aimed herself towards her room. As she walked down the hall, she could see a clamoring crowd in front of Edward's room. Happy for another distraction, she moved more quickly towards the group.

When she reached the back of the crowd she could hear various exclamations and gasps. "Oh God." Hmmm, so it's serious. "That's so totally hot!" This in a male voice, serious and hot? Bella continued to wait and listen in, hoping to push her way to the front.

Suddenly, the door opened. "You know, you've been here for a half hour. Shoo! The proper owner isn't going to get it back with you idiots out here ogling." He was laughing and shaking his head.

The crowd cleared, and Bella's finally spied the item of interest. She felt the blood drain from her face, and her stomach cramp and tighten. When her eyes met Edward's, she felt her head start to shake back and forth, trying to convince her eyes that what she saw was wrong. There, balanced on two nails hammered into Edwards door, was BOB. Underneath was the dry erase board. Reading it, her heart started to pound.

"Found:

One nubbly pink vibrating dildo. No ID tags, does not answer to any name I've tried. Was found in the shower, and given to me by the cleaning lady. It was oh so pleasant discussing this with her. And really? Is 11 inches necessary? Call me at X1116 to set up a discreet rendezvous with your friend.

Edward, RA, 11th floor"

Edward was eyeing her in a way that was making her squirm even more. She had to get away.

"Bella, what's wrong? You look like you're going to be sick!"

She shook her head. "Nnn. Nothing. I've, I've just never, I don't know what to. I've got to go." With that, she turned and walked as quickly as she could to her room, willing the tears to wait to fall until she got there.

When she opened the door and saw Rose and Alice sitting on the couch, she whimpered. They stood up in union. "Bella what's the matter?" The two girls hugged their friend, trying to get her to sit. Once she had, Alice sat next to her, patting her on the back.

Bella was sobbing in between words. "You guys, I don't know what to do!" Alice looked at Rose "I think this is a code red situation. You know what to do." Rose went to the cabinet over her desk, pulling out the bottle of whiskey, and three shot glasses.

After they'd sucked down two shots, Rosalie spoke gently. "Okay, so what has our little Bella so upset?" Bella was embarrassed, so worried about their reaction. She whispered. "BOB."

Rosalie, not patient or gentle by nature, couldn't help herself. "Who the fuck is Bob?"

Alice blinked, her mouth turning down in a frown. "I didn't know you were seeing someone! He broke up with you right before Valentine's Day? I'm so sorry Bella!"

Bella shook her head violently, hiccuping and pouring herself another shot. "BOB. My...my friend."

Rose stood up, hands on her hips. "What did this friend do to you? I'll beat the shit out of any asshat..."

Bella stood up and yelled. "NO! My _'FRIEND'_ guys. Notice the air quotes?" Bella was flailing her arms about in wildly exaggerated air quote movements. The two friends stared at Bella with glazed eyes. "Oh hell. My vibrator. My dildo. The thing I use to get off because I have no sex life. The thing I had to use in the fucking shower, because I always get interrupted in here!" She flopped on the couch as they gaped at her, and started the long tale of her past three days.

When Bella was through, she was trashed. The two friends, having something to laugh at, were a little more sober, but not by much. Rose had turned on her Prince playlist, starting with "Darling Nikki" and currently blaring "Get Off". Alice was gyrating and jumping on her bed. Bella was sitting on the couch mumbling. When the song was over Rose turned the music down a bit.

Her speech was energetic, but slurred. "Okay Bella. Phase two of Code Red Situation now commencing. This will be a rescue mission, are you ready?"

Over the next hour, Rose and Alice hammered out a rescue mission for BOB that involved a couple diversionary tactics. While the girls workied on strategy, Alice insisted on outfitting them in all black. The girls were too inebriated to argue that the lights would be on. Rosalie dialed Edward's number, reporting a horrible back up in the toilets that were clear across the other side of the floor.

The three girls, dressed in all black, including gloves and ski hats, slipped out of their door, crouched low, moving while sticking close to the walls. Their eyes shifted back and forth as they trailed behind each other, skulking their way to their objective, eight doors down from them. They were very anxious as they got to the door, Rosalie being the tallest, ready to swipe BOB in a heartbeat, and run down the hallway with him.

They got to the door. BOB was gone. All that was left was the message on the dry erase board.

Rose caught the eyes of the other girls. "I guess we'll be needing a plan B." The quickly returned to their room.

The girls conferred over bowls of ramen noodles. With Edward holding BOB hostage, they needed to proceed carefully.

After slurping an exceptionally long noodle into her mouth, Rose spoke. "Bella?" Bella nodded, chicken broth glistening on her lips. "Rescuing BOB, at this point is going to take more of a commitment, are you prepared for that?"

She nodded. "What other choice do I have?"

Alice looked at her, eyebrows raised. "Bella, you could just buy a new one, you know."

Bella's mouth gaped open. "No! No. I know BOB. I'm comfortable with BOB. We've been together for years. No way."

Rose snorted. "Okay then. If you're sure. We'll meet again Saturday night. Emmett and I are celebrating Valentine's tomorrow since he's working Sunday.

The girls went their separate ways and went to sleep. Bella dreamed of a cleaning lady chasing her down the hall, waving a pink vibrator at her, as she pounded on Edward's door to rescue her.

**Friday, 2pm**

Bella was having a late lunch in the cafeteria. She sat reading her book, and dipping her french fries into mayo, taking her time. Why not? She had all the time in the world this Valentine's Day weekend. No date, her friends were busy, even BOB was unavailable. As she took another fry, she heard a throat clear.

She looked up to see clear, beautiful green eyes looking back at her. "Mind if I sit here?"

She nodded at him, talking around her fry. "Mmm, s'fine."

He sat, sipping his soup. "Wel,l you look better than the last time I saw you!"

She bit her lip as she tried to think of a good response. "Right. Thanks. I just, you know. I was a little out of my element with that situation."

He shrugged. "Yeah, I figured. I had you pegged as that kind of girl anyway."

She sipped on her pop. "That kind of girl?"

Edward chuckled. "Well you know. Innocent. Doubtfully aware of any kind of bathroom debauchery."

She put her hands on her lap, hoping he wouldn't see them shaking. She could feel the heated blush on her cheeks. She forced himself to meet his gaze. "I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment."

He rolled his eyes. "Totally a compliment. Don't get me wrong...I don't know, you just seem different than the other girls on our floor. I've never seen you do a walk of shame, or drunkenly pulling a guy down the hallway so you could have your way with him. That's all."

Bella chewed the inside of her cheek, picturing herself in the shower driving her pink 11 inch nubbly friend into herself. Innocent indeed. "Hmm, it would take a guy being interested for that to happen eh?" She threw her fry down on her plate.

She finished up her food as he did, an awkward silence hanging over them. He looked flustered. "I hope I didn't offend you?"

She shook her head, walking towards the elevators with him scrambling to her side. "Forget about it. It's fine. I'm just in a mood, you know, Valentine's Day, room mates who engage in copious amounts of PDA when they're home, and when they're not it's because they're at their boyfriends screwing their brains out. Add school stress, and well, you know how it is."

Edward just nodded at her. They got on the elevator. Bella, trying to take the focus off of her asked about his plans, figuring this would count as recon as well. "So what are your plans for the weekend? Are you done for the day?"

He snorted. "Yeah, my day is done. I'll be here all weekend really, no plans. I kind of have to be on extra alert for asshattery on these kinds of weekends. Valentine's, St. Patricks, you know...people get as liquored up as they can, and if they aren't fucking all over the place, they're getting into other trouble."

She laughed. "Don't hold back!"

He shrugged and laughed. "Well, look at what happened yesterday, I'm telling you, horny drunk people will make this weekend interesting. I'll be here."

They stopped at his door, her eyes avoiding the dry erase board. "What about you Bella? Sounds like you'll be around?" She noticed that the sign had a couple additions to it. "Umm, yeah, I mean, I don't have anyone, you know, no plans."

She couldn't take her eyes off the sign and felt herself blushing again. One scrawl said merely "BZZZZZ", another said "I've got your cock right here baby." and then of course the obligatory "That's what she said!"

Edward looked at the sign and cursed, stepping in front of her. "I'm sorry Bella, people here, total pervs. I swear this poor girl will never pick this thing up. I should just give it away." He laughed and she didn't know what else to do but join him. "Whew! Oh god how crazy. Hey Bella, you want this used vibrator?"

She gasped. He sobered, thinking he'd offended her again. "Bella I'm sorry, my sense of humor, it's just, I'm sorry."

She was trying her hardest not to just take him up on the offer, but couldn't. She also didn't want to run away again. She smiled, though it was more of a smirk. "I think nubbly bits AND vibration would be a little much for me." His eyes widened and she turned and walked away, feeling proud that she'd rattled him.

Later that evening, there was a current in the air. People dressed up for dates, or to go out and hook up. Even the nerds and homebodies kept their doors open to see the flurry of activity.

Bella had her music on low, and she was sitting cross-legged on the couch. She had on a pair of army surplus pants cut into long shorts and a brown t-shirt, ragged and too small from years of washing and wearing. She was sipping at a bottle of beer. She had vowed to herself that the evening would be spent bopping around the internet, having fun, not working. No studying, no reports.

At the moment she was catching up on Failblog, happy to see that her dry erase board wasn't on it. From her position, with the door open, she could see Edward standing right by his door, chatting with a tall, lanky bald guy. He looked her way, and she was busted watching him. He waved his fingers at her, and she held her hand up in a brief wave back at him, as she willed herself not to curl up and die.

Edward cruised by her room a few times. Once he stopped and commented on the beer she was drinking. "Getting crazy tonight Bella? Good girl gone bad?" His eyes were glassy and tinged with pink.

She really wanted to fuck with him. "That's right, better watch yourself...soon I'll be running around flashing my tits at all the lonely boys on the 11th floor." She held his gaze, smiling, then taking a swig from her glass. She saw his eyes go from her eyes to her throat, saw him swallow hard.

He spoke quickly. "Well then, I'd better go issue a warning. I'll see you later." Bella laughed, her head thrown back, as Edward rushed away.

As the night went on, she was getting giddy. She closed her door and took her laptop and yet another beer to her bed and opened up her absolute favorite site, passive aggressive notes. It was while laughing over the ridiculous notes, that she came up with a plan. It was simple.

Bella got out her scissors and got to work. A little while later, Bella was satisfied. She shut down her laptop and snuggled into her bed. Sleep came quickly. She dreamed of Edward doing naughty things to her with her long lost BOB.

**Saturday, 4pm**

The meeting had commenced. The shots had been poured to excess, all three girls hoping "the hair of the dog" would help them with their Valentine's activity hangovers. They spent the first part of the meeting discussing Rose's Valentine's date and Alice's evening out. When the time had come for Bella to share, she excitedly ran to get the note. It had been carefully crafted out of individual letters clipped from magazines and glued into sequence on the paper, ransom note style. Rosalie grabbed the note and read aloud.

"1124:

I have your message center. If you'd like to see it and your precious pictures again, you'll follow these instructions. I want one pair of socks from each of you, worn. Don't try to trick me with new socks. Deposit them in the sink of the girls shower room at 8pm on Valentine's Day. Do not notify anyone of this, or else.

Sockboy"

Rosalie was visibly confused. Bella and Alice were rolling on the ground laughing. Bella explained to Rosalie how the diversion would work. Rosalie pursed her lips. "I don't know Bella. Are you really going to be able to go through with your end of the plan?"

Bella shrugged. "I'll need some liquid courage, some power panties, and an outfit that will make me not look like a bumbling fool, but yeah, I think I can."

Rosalie smiled. "Okay then, I mean, this should work. You just can't fuck this up or you'll be more embarrassed than you already are." Bella looked at the ground. "Rose, trust me, I know."

**Sunday, 5pm**

Bella walked through the door of the bedroom with a pizza, a bottle of tequila and some limes. As Bella started laying down the foundation for a hopefully puke free evening, Rose sliced up the limes. By 7:30 Bella was feeling warm, relaxed and confident. Alice had done her hair in such a way that it looked perfectly undone. The same could be said about her almost invisible make up. She wore vanilla oil, reasoning that he was going to be stoned, and smelling good enough to eat would be a bonus. She was wearing her one pair of very fitted low cut jeans, and a blue knit top with a revealing neckline. The sleeves were technically long sleeves, but on the outer arm from the shoulder to the elbow and the elbow to the wrist the seam was open, baring a lot of arm while still looking modest. The shirt came down to about a half inch above her jeans. While Alice was busy with her hair and makeup, Rose was working on her nails. Her fingers and toes both were coated in red. She was ready to go, "Operation Bring BOB Back" was given the green light.

She walked down the hallway, swinging her hips a little to get herself into her role. She whispered to herself "Strong, assertive, seductive. You can do this. Fifteen, maybe twenty minutes."

She got to Edwards door and knocked, avoiding looking at the dry erase board for fear she'd turn into fumbling, blushing Bella. She turned her back to the door, scanning the hallways, purpose. She heard the click of the door opening, and slowly turned around. He opened the door, halfway again, leaning out into the hallway.

She opened her eyes wide, giving him a shy smile. "Edward."

He stuttered, "Hhhi. Hi Bella. Www... Fuck!" He shook his head, "What brings you around this fine evening?" as he attempted a smile. His hair had fallen into his eyes, so she slowly brought her hand up to his forehead, brushing the locks back.

She bit her lip. "I just remembered that I never thanked you for getting me out of my room." He shook his head. "Yeah. Actually you did." She raised an arm up to press on the door frame, right by his, leaning into him. "No Edward, I thanked you for covering me up with your blanket, and while I'm grateful that you kept the entire building from seeing my ass and nipples, I'm more grateful that you took the time to find me." She leaned in more, and kissed his cheek, barely a brush. She whispered in his ear. "Thank you Edward."

As Bella pulled back, she placed her other hand on his door, putting a little pressure on it every time she took a step, talking the whole time. "I was just celebrating Valentine's Day with my roomies, and thought about you, wanted to see if your weekend had been as crazy as you'd predicted."

She was through the door now, he was behind her, holding on to the door like it was a life preserver. She walked across the room to his window.

"Ah. I see you have a view of the dorm across the way." She turned, looking at him while leaning against the window. "I bet you see all kinds of interesting things over there." Edward shut the door, leaning against it. Looking at the clock on his nightstand, she took a deep breath, it was now or never.

She pushed herself slowly from the window and walked very slowly to Edward. "Do you Edward? What have you seen over there?" She was right in front of him, her body just short of lining up against his, her face inches from his. She leaned forward, slipping a hand behind his head into his locks, turning his head slightly. His jaw went slack. Bella breathed in his ear for just a few seconds, then she whispered. "I bet you like to watch, don't you Edward? I bet you see it all from here. Have you ever seen a woman braced up against the glass, her breasts pushing up into the window every time her lover thrust into her from behind? An indiscreet little freshman fingering herself between classes, hmmm?"

Feeling brave, listening to him pant as he was paralyzed by her, she licked from the bottom of his earlobe, and up around his outer ear.

Edward snapped. He grabbed her shoulders and spun her around, pressing her back into the door. He crushed his lips into hers, growling between kisses. "What the fuck are you trying to do to me Bella?" He sucked his way down her throat, his hands firmly in her hair pulling her head back.

Victory hers, she had to focus. It was hard to do with him pressed up against her, growling, _fucking growling_ into her ear, kissing and sucking and running his hand up and down her side, as the other held her head in place. She looked around the room, looking for BOB. His hand cupped her ass, squeezing, kneading, and distracting her. She was losing control of her body, grinding against him.

She whispered, frustrated. "Fuck! God please help me!"

Edward laughed, not knowing she was asking the almighty to help her focus, and give her a sign as to where her beloved BOB was hidden.

"Baby I don't think God's going to help you with this." He palmed her pussy, making her gasp. "You're so hot baby, fuck." He slid his hand back up under her shirt, grazing his thumb over her tightened nipples.

Bella was starting to panic, it was late! Where were they? "No! Fuck, no!" She was panting, on sensory overload as her body tried to take her down one path, and her mind tried to keep her on the other. Just then, an unearthly booming sound came from the door.

Edward jumped back, pulling Bella with him. They landed on the floor in a heap. "What the mother fuck?"

Quickly untangling himself from Bella, he jumped up and flung the door open. Standing on the other side, looking innocent and demure, stood Rose and Alice. The gave him the fingertip wave. He blinked back at them.

They peered around him, and both smiled. "Oh Bella, there you are! You wouldn't believe what we found on our door! Someone stole our message board and left a note in it's place!"

Rose was a pro. "I'm so scared! Edward what if we have a crazy stalker?" Edward blinked again. "Please, please come see, please help us!"

Behind Edward, Bella was motioning to Alice, slicing across her throat, trying to get her to tone it down.

"Um, right. Okay. I'll just then...a note?" Edward ran his hands through his hair.

"He's demanding a ransom!" Alice was bouncing up and down, looking like she had to use the toilet urgently.

Bella, standing up and walking behind Edward, put what she hoped would be a very motivating reward into Edwards mind. She was desperate for their plan to work, which meant he had to leave. She leaned into his ear, knowing he was hypnotized by the ear whisper. "Edward, you go see what the deal is with them, I'll wait here for you. When you come back we can pick up where we left off." She licked from the base of his neck up to the nape, making him shiver.

When he spoke it, sounded like it had been strangled out of him. "Okay ladies, let's go see what the deal is."

Bella shut the door, and her hunt began. She started with his desk, quietly but quickly opening the drawers, and scanning for her pink friend. She checked his book shelf, and the cabinets above his desk. Feeling confident that she'd narrowed the options, she started with his dresser. She felt awful pawing through his underwear and socks. Then, third drawer down, amongst the sweats and pj pants, was her beloved.

She looked at it for a moment, then gently grasped him and picked him up. "Oh BOB, Mama's missed you."

The door clicked open and she froze. "Bella?"

She turned slowly, moving BOB behind her, and leaning into the drawer to quietly close it with her body. "Edward! That was quick!"

Edward cocked an eyebrow. "Right. Not done yet, just came for the resident list, so we can skip any girl rooms."

She smiled, her hand still holding BOB behind her back, trying to look casual about it.

"What are you doing?" He stalked towards her. "I leave you alone in my room, for five minutes, and you're looking through my things?" Three more steps and he was right before her.

She couldn't read the emotion in his eyes. "I just. I, I was looking for some binoculars, I thought I might find something..."

He placed both hands on the dresser, on trapping her. "Cut the crap Bella."

She weighed her options. "Hmmm. Okay." She leaned forward, finding his neck and attacking it like a leech, hoping to distract him while she came up with something better.

He seemed to relax into her, sighing. "Fuck Bella."

She moved to his mouth, moaning into it with desire and desperation. He kissed her back, his hands moving to her sides. Suddenly, he whipped her around and pulled her to him, her back to his front. He leaned down to whisper in her ear again. "What have we got here Bella?" He moved his hands to hold her arms as he pushed her away. Bella struggled against his hold, trying to bring BOB to her front and stash him somewhere, anywhere, to no avail.

He plucked her pink nubbly friend from her hand. "Well, well, well. Pretty little Bella. Explain."

She hung her head. Knocking came from the door again. He walked with long strides to the door and flung it opening. Upon seeing Bella's roomies, he held up BOB and smiled. "Trade you some socks for this?" He wiggled it at them.

"You should be very thankful that I'm not going to report this prank." He was waggling the dildo at them like a mother waggles her finger at a naughty child. "Now if you two are quite done, I believe the trail of mystery here leads right to Miss Bella." He smiled, and slammed the door shut.

Bella was in the middle of the room. He stalked towards her, she backed up with his every step. When she hit the bed with the backs of her knees, he didn't stop. He lowered her down on to the bed, placing open mouthed kisses on her, over her clothes, all the way from her knees to her lips. Bella was panting, again overwhelmed with her racing mind and her tingling nerves, the pressure of him on her center.

"Bella there is nothing hotter than a girl who looks like purity incarnate and has a mind as fucking dirty as mine."

She groaned as he ground into her. He lifted himself and pushed her shirt up, circling her nipples with his tongue. She arched her back, surrendering to Edward and the sensations he was creating. As he licked her bellybutton, she couldn't identify whether she heard, or felt it, first.

There was a faint buzzing and a not so faint current pulsing onto her clit. She yelped, jumping back from Edward. Bella made eye contact with him and he winked. She started laughing, pulling his pillow over her face to hide. Edward was laughing uncontrollably, laying on top of her. Bella mused that for all the effort put into rescuing BOB, maybe he wouldn't be such a huge part of her life anymore.

**E/N: **Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed. If you like this, you'll probably like "Don't Bet Against Bella", in my profile. If you like my sense of humor, you're in luck. One multi-chapter funny is slated for January, and another o/s in January.


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